Posts Tagged ‘art’

You are provided for

I missed out one day. Yeah! and I do not feel guilty or have a bad conscience! When I started blogging again last week I had this goal of posting every day. But I don’t have to, do I. The same with the journalling. The journalling is an absolute great way to use it for blogging. When I started off with this blog I was a dedicated knitter. So knitting and anything to do with yarn was the main theme for my posts.  Now I am a “just” knitter. Plus I am playing with paint. And always wandering on and off spiritual paths. So these are the things I am putting my thoughts down about now. But where was I going with this? Oh yes! I missed out yesterday. I did not journal AND I did no blog-post. And it made sense in regards to the journal prompt as well. Go gently.

You see, I had another day off yesterday. Husband back to work, kids back to school, I was at home, waiting for a delivery. And I had time. Or not. After the kids left for school I went back for another hour’s snooze, got up, had breakfast, made room for our delivery, started cooking for lunch, and after lunch I took out my painting stuff, meaning to start on the journal page. But the cover of the journal still was not decorated, so instead I put some paint down on the outside instead of the inside, and as if planned, when I was done with the first layer of paint, the doorbell rang and the delivery-guys were here. That was that. Journal time finished for the day.

So going gently for me is not to push myself too far. To have care for myself, to feel what’s comfortable and what is too much. It’s not always possible, and most of the times going gently does not work, but more and more it does. I guess it’s just another kind of practise-thing. When I find I need to step back and go gently I have to let go this expectation of myself being perfect.

Yesterday I was going gently. First it felt like I was letting myself down, then the stubbornness appeared but went away again. I decided to go gently and leave journalling – and blogging – for the next day. And I was at ease.

How about I challenge you to make this deliberate decision as well and go gently with yourself?


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Ring the bells that still can ring – Forget that perfect offering – There is a crack in everything – That’s how the light gets in. Leonard Cohen


Today’s journalling was about perfection. The picture above is my journal entry made even more not perfect.

I don’t think I have ever been a perfectionist. No. Rather spontaneous and rushing into things, starting with the level above “starter”.  And when making a mistake I tend to work around it, instead of starting again, yes, sometimes denying its existence, and making the best of it.

When I try perfection I feel pressure right away. I feel like a failure from the start, because I can’t reach the expectations I have of myself. So I try not to be perfect. I am not perfect. Not in the sense others define perfection. But I am perfect at the same time. In my own way. As is everyone.

I do not have to be perfect, just to give it my best shot. If I was perfect, all learing would be done with, what a boring outlook. I do not want to be perfect, I want to keep on learning.

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Collage, watersoluble crayons, acrylics and markers on heavy mixed media paper, size 29,7x42cm

Day 5 of the journal project was about the purpose in life. Buddha said: “Your Purpose in Life is to find your Purpose and give your whole Heart and Soul to it.”

This is something that I have been searching for seemingly for forever. My purpose in life. Once or twice I thought I had found it, but it turned out, it was not meant to be. Of course that time I felt more like a failure, not having been committed enough. There it is again, that word, commitment. But looking back I see it as experiences, they might have cost me the odd coin, but it was probably worth it. I did learn a few things along the way.

The above painting came to the surface after a tele-session with Andrea Schroeder, looking for my dream, my purpose, that I know is hiding someplace. I found out, that I am not yet ready to fully step into my dream, I have to feel safe. So I built this sturdy bridge, that will lead me to what it is, I am meant to be and do.

In my eyes everyone has a purpose in life. And the one, we all have in common, is to love, feel and show compassion. And everyone is on a different level in realising this purpose. I am convinced, this can only be done, if you can love and feel compassion for yourself. Accept yourself with all your flaws and perfections. Not to accept your flaws in a way that makes you say, it’s like that anyway, I can’t change, and not accept your perfections in a way to show off like “I can do this better than you”, no, you always have the choice in which direction you want to go, and you can always chose to change and better your flaws lovingly, and show and be proud of what you are able of without the need to hide it. This is what makes you you, what makes you precious.

So my first and foremost purpose in life is to accept MYSELF, my all and whole self, to love ME, to feel and have compassion for MYSELF. The next step will be to look for a way to do, what I always felt I want to do, help others on their way to find this love and compassion for themselves.

Maybe I will find a way through art.




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Todays prompt in the 30 days journal-project was “To practise any art, no matter how well or badly, is a way to make your soul grow. So do it.” Kurt Vonnegut.

Arts, that I want to practise… I do not think, this is only about arts like painting, writing, crafting…. Anything really can be made to be an art, the art of loving (yourself), the art of living (a fulfilled life), the art of….. anything.

Writing in my journal I only focused on painting and singing, as arts that I would like to practise. I haven’t been singing “properly” for almost 15 years now and I miss it. The time for singing will come again. But I am painting, and it makes me feel good. With both arts I can express myself, they make my soul grow, because I feel good when I paint or sing. A growing soul shows confidence, and confidence lets my soul shine, makes me shine. I shine.

The painting above this post was made on stretched canvas, with collage, water-soluble crayons, acrylics and markers, in Summer 2012. It’s not big, about A4-A3 size, but it warms my heart the way it shines.


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– the leaves and branches will take care of themselves. Confucius.


I am in love with this 30 days journalling project.
Of course it helps, that I am still on holidays and can take time for it – as well as for blogging.
Roots. One of my most important roots is self-care. And the realization that caring for yourself does not equal egoism.
These 30 days of journalling – and I most definitely intend to do at least 30 days – give me the chance to take a closer look at myself. To get to know this person better, what she wants and needs. This leads to Trust, in myself, in others, shows me that it is ok to let go of control. And more.
It turns out, that not only STEPS is a word for me this year, but also or even more TRUST, trust in myself, in others, in things that happen around me. This doesn’t mean that I have to take everything in a stride, without complaining, be fatalistic about it. But accept and act accordingly. Act. Find myself through acting and being honest. Another word TRUTH.
Journalling is good. And today it let me take out and try watercolours again. Years ago, more than 20, when I had my first try at painting, I started of with watercolours. A nice memory, it will be repeated….

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One of the prompts for todays 30 Day Journal Project was “commitment”.

I feel strange about commitments. Where I have no problem whatsoever towards committing to my partner, having children, work – or everything concerning others – I have huge throwbacks when it comes to committing towards something that I could benefit from. It seems, as soon as I have decided to commit to something, there is this voice whispering “you MUST”. And that’s where I get kind of childish: a stubbornness comes out and seems to go “haha, you stupid voice of reason, there is no MUST, because I don’t want to, and I don’t have to if I don’t want, you cannot make me, haha!”

But this is exactly the contra productive part of making a commitment. And I have overcome it a few times, it usually helps not to tell anybody about it, not until I have some success to show for it – like losing weight. Because if I myself think I won’t make it anyway, everyone else will be thinking the same – won’t they? No, they won’t, but that is the kind of thought, that comes into my mind.

This time, with committing to journal for 30 days it is a different cup of tea altogether. It is laziness, to take out the journal, that I have to overcome. But without the requirement, the MUST, to art-journal, I have the freedom to just write, no need to take out the paints and brushes and clean up afterwards, before I can start writing. I CAN, if I want to, no MUST.

But I MUST take time for journalling. 10 minutes a day are all I need. Not more. This should not be a problem. So all I have to do is make time.





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Yes, a commitment, not really fulfilled so far, but tried every now and again.

I am actually put off by the idea, that I *have* to journal every day, but if I do not find a routine for something like this (which is the hardest part and I never have so far), I can not stick to it.

So I was reading Facebook-posts and one of them linked to Lisa Sonora, and the idea to commit for just 30 days seemed not as intimidating as looking at a whole book with blank pages. And I signed up.

The next step was to decide which of my journals and sketch books to use, I don’t think there is one I haven’t started using, and I like the idea of having one for a special purpose. But January 1st crept up on me quicker than anticipated – concerning the journalling-thing anyway 🙂 and there was no journal I could dedicate to the 30 days… How lucky that I am on the mailing-list of Effy Wild and get her news and offers and notes about her classes and what she is up to: last year she put a free tutorial online on how to bind your own book/journal. And I started on that. Love it by the way!

The first page:

01.01.2014 Step by StepOne of my words for 2014 STEPS

And now I’ll be off watching the new season of Sherlock 😉 the wait was long!


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